My ADHD Survival Guide

Until my twin girls' diagnosis, ADHD was something I was aware of, but was thankful that I didn't have to deal with. It's been almost a year now, since their diagnosis, and although I am still very much a "student", there are a few things I would like to share with you. I am by no means an "expert" in this area and therefore must caution you - these are coping mechanisms and discoveries I have made in relation to myself, my girls and family.

ADHD is not a “dirty word”

Until our diagnosis, I had no idea of the massive impact of the letters “ADHD” could have on anyone, least of all our family. Incidentally, a number of general practitioners (during the years before our diagnosis) had remarked on the girls’ “liveliness” and “lack of fear”, and it seems I found every excuse in the book just not to “label” them.

At the moment, the girls are a little too young (I feel) to understand the full implications of their diagnosis, although they do understand that without their medication (Concerta) they feel angry and have difficulty concentrating. I do, however, still feel a need to “protect” them from others (particularly adults) who through mostly a lack of knowledge tend to see them as “bad” children, rather than children with a life changing disorder. 

 

Some of the best advice I have read to date:

Helping your child overcome the stigma of ADHD
•  Examine your own beliefs
•  Be open about your child's diagnosis
•  Work out a "script" to discuss his ADHD with others
•  Consider long-acting medication
•  Find the right classroom situation
•  Help your child become independent

Children with ADHD probably feel more self-conscious before their condition is diagnosed. That's because once a child is diagnosed and is being treated (either with medication or behavior therapy or both), he's much less likely to behave in ways that makes him feel inadequate or different. Still, you can do a lot to help him deal with his feelings about having ADHD and to protect him as much as possible from the prejudices of others.

Examine your own beliefs
Learning that your child has ADHD can be scary, but you don't want to communicate that fear to your child. "Children pick up on a parent's verbal and nonverbal responses, and they identify these feelings as their own," says George Lynn, author of Survival Strategies for Parenting Your ADD Child. In other words, if you feel embarrassed or upset by your child's behavior or diagnosis, so will he. Try to think of your child's ADHD not so much as a problem, but rather as a different way of experiencing the world. "I like to say that kids with an attention deficit diagnosis are just 'attention different.' In reality, they're often more advanced then their peers at things like sports or music," says Lynn.

Be open about your child's diagnosis
Treating an ADHD diagnosis as a secret will only increase the stigma surrounding it. The more you discuss it at home (in matter-of-fact terms), the more open and comfortable your child will be with his condition. "I treat kids who say they like the fact that their friends know about it," says Patricia Quinn, a pediatrician on the board of the National Attention Deficit Disorder Association. "Their friends can remind them to take their medicine and understand more readily if they forget to return a call, for example, or interrupt." It's important, however, to let your child be the one to share his condition with his friends. Don't make the mistake of announcing his diagnosis during a playdate if he hasn't yet brought it up.

Work out a "script" to discuss his ADHD with others
To help your child feel comfortable talking about his condition with friends and teachers, work on some lines together. "It can be as simple as, 'I have ADHD. It's a condition that makes it tough for me to sit still and focus.' Some kids add, 'Don't worry, it's not contagious,' or 'It's the way I was born,'" says Lynn. Also, encourage your child to share the positives of his condition: "I think in a special way," or "I see the world a little bit differently," or "I'm more sensitive than other kids." If your child is on medication and has to see the teacher or school nurse for a mid-day dose, he can explain this to his friends by saying, "Some kids need glasses to help them see. I need my medication to help me pay attention better."

Consider long-acting medication
If your child doesn't want to take his pills in front of others, look into the possibility of a long-acting medication, that lasts ten to 12 hours. (Shorter-acting medications last four to six hours and require children to take a second dose during the school day.) "I'm a big believer in the sustained-release medicines," says Andrew Adesman, director of developmental and behavioral pediatrics at Schneider Children's Hospital in New Hyde Park, New York. "Your child can take a once-a-day pill in the morning before school."

Find the right classroom situation
"Try to avoid having your child placed in the special-education classes labeled SBD, or 'Severely Behavior Disturbed,'" says Lynn. "These classes are primarily for kids who are oppositional and defiant. A child with ADHD will fall behind academically in this environment and that's bad for his self-esteem." The best special-ed class for a child with ADHD is a mainstreamed-based class situation called "pull-out," says Lynn. In a pull-out class, the child spends most of each day with all the other kids but is 'pulled out' for a certain amount of time each week to work one-on-one in core subjects or social skills training. Ideally, the child shouldn't have to leave class in an obvious way that marks him as different. Instead, he should change classes during transition times, when the whole class is separating for different activities, so there's less chance of a stigma developing.

Help your child become independent
Your child will need extra help from you and his teachers when it comes to staying organized, paying attention, and following directions. However, the goal should always be to get him to eventually manage his own behavior. Set up a shelf where your child can keep all of his school belongings, for example, instead of gathering them up for him every morning. You can also help by setting up an organizational system that he'll feel comfortable using on his own, such as having a different colored folder for each subject and an assignment log for each class. Teach your child to break a project down into parts and let him complete each part himself. "The more ADHD kids are able to function at the same level as their peers, the less stigma they feel," says Lynn.

Source: http://parentcenter.babycenter.com/refcap/bigkid/gspecialneeds/67414.html

When Your Grandchild Has Attention Deficit Disorder

Grandparents have always had an important role in the life of a child or adolescent. When the child's parents work outside the home, a grandparent may be the daytime caregiver. In some cases, when the parent is unable to care for a child, the grandparent functions as a parent. Some grandparents live far away from their grandchildren, and may only see them a few times each year. In all of these situations, the grandparent has a special meaning to the child and can influence the child's self-esteem.
When grandparents hear that a grandchild has been diagnosed with ADHD, they may not know what to do or say. First, they should educate themselves about the different types of ADHD. ADHD (attention deficit hyperactivity disorder) is sometimes also called attention deficit disorder or ADD. ADHD has three basic features. These are:
  • Inattention (distractibility, daydreaming or "spacing out")
  • Physical hyperactivity (fidgetiness, running about, often switching tasks)
  • Impulsivity (acting without thinking…later regretting it)
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Children with Inattentive ADHD have trouble paying attention but may not show the physical hyperactivity or the impulsivity. This type is more common in girls but can be seen in boys too. Combined ADHD involves inattention along with hyperactivity and/or impulsivity. This is the classic "boy type" ADHD but some girls can show this too. These children can be creative and charming, but may require more of the parents' time and effort than other children.
ADHD is not just "bad behavior". It is a physical problem that is often inherited. Sometimes children "outgrow" or learn to manage the symptoms of ADHD as they grow up. But in many if not most cases, the condition persists into their adult life. When children are diagnosed with ADHD, it is not uncommon for their parents to recognize that they too have (or had) similar problems. Even grandparents might make similar discoveries. It helps to recognize this since symptoms of ADHD are quite often treatable in adults.
Family support is important during and after the time of the initial diagnosis. Parents may feel defensive and inadequate. They may compare themselves unfavorably to their own parents or in-laws. The nuclear family (parents and child) may experience even small remarks as judgment and react by withdrawing.
Extended family can be an important source of support, but can also be a source of tension. Grandparents and others may base their opinions on inaccurate or skewed material in the popular press. In previous generations, there was more stigma associated with mental illness and behavior disorders. If someone perceives ADHD as shameful, they don't want to think that it could appear in their family. If there were already conflicts in the extended family, the ADHD child may serve as the focal point for these simmering conflicts. Grandparents should not spank this child or tell the parents to do so. One should take special care to avoid such punishment in ADHD children because they can be impulsive. They might get the message that one can use hitting or violence to resolve conflicts. Even if gentler methods seem to take longer, they provide the child with a model of how to resolve disagreements.
Sometimes, the grandparent may see the signs of ADHD before the parents notice them. This must be approached tactfully. The grandparent should not make a diagnosis on his or her own. One might suggest discussion of the matter with the child’s pediatrician or teacher (who might recommend evaluation by a trained professional). It helps to reassure the parents that one is not making a judgment on their parenting. In other cases, it may be prudent to wait and let the parents figure it out themselves.
Childproofing may become an issue when the hyperactive ADHD child visits grandparents. Once one's children have left home, people are less likely to have childproofed houses. They may also display valuable or sentimental breakable objects on open shelves. They may have moved into a smaller home that does not have a place for children to run and play. This can present both the parents and the grandparents with a dilemma. The parents may feel on edge during the whole visit. They may feel the need to follow the child everywhere to make sure that nothing is broken. They may feel defensive about the child's behavior even if the grandparent says nothing. The grandparents may be puzzled or offended by the child's impulsive behavior and the parent's anxiety. The child may feel like the proverbial bull in a china shop.
Parents can have a more relaxing visit if they do not have to constantly worry about something being broken. There is some simple childproofing that can be done in anticipation of the active child's visit. Valuable and breakable things can be temporarily moved, or the rooms with breakables can be closed or gated off. If the grandparents have the space, a spare room can be set aside for the children. It can contain old worn furniture, children's books and some durable safe toys. If one has a yard, one can spend most of the visit outside. If these modifications are not possible, one can take the family to a park or to a "ball room." Talking while going on a walk can help the child discharge enough of their energy that they may be able to carry on a conversation. Television and videos will frequently hold the attention of even a very hyperactive child. However, they will also cut down on meaningful communication between the child and grandparents. Use videos as a last resort. The child might teach the grandparent how to play an interactive video or computer game.
When a child is having behavioral problems, misunderstandings and defensiveness are common. Often a frank, non-judgmental talk can help dispel misunderstandings. Avoid comments such as "None of my children did that." "It would go away if you disciplined them more.". In the past, many children with ADHD went undiagnosed. Some of their parents instinctively came up with their own structured behavior plans. The trick is to bring this up without being perceived as intrusive or judgmental. One might say, "You know, your husband was like that when he was a boy. He was a great kid, but sometimes it was tough. I know things are different today, and you have to figure out your own way to do things. If you ever want to know how we handled it, let me know."
Grandparents can fill an important psychological role in the child's development. The children tend to perceive the grandparent's acceptance as more unconditional. In some cases, the grandparent can be a source of advice and comfort for the parents. A child with ADHD may sometimes have more than the average amount of conflict with his or her parents. The child may feel different from his or her peers. In such situations, the grandparents may provide a loving time of respite and understanding for the child. During adolescence, the individual pulls away from parents but may still maintain closeness to the grandparents during times of family conflict.
 Ultimately the most important for both parents and grandparents to do is to instill in the child a positive self-esteem and an attitude of responsibility and mastery. The entire family including the child should be encouraged to learn all they can about ADHD. With appropriate help, children can learn how to manage their own symptoms better. Even with a physical condition like ADHD, it is the child’s responsibility to learn as best he or she can to "fit in" to the world.
Source: http://www.ncpamd.com/grandchildren.htm